A Little Wisdom From "When in Rome"

Last night, Peggy and I watched When in Rome. In the movie Beth's sister gets married in Rome and wants her sister to be the maid of honor. She flies over and while at the wedding meets the grooms best man, Nick and they hit it off very well. Then she witnesses a kiss between Nick and a random girl and thinks her chance for love is gone. So she sits on the Fountain of Love and yells at the statue then pulls out five coins. Each coin that she 'rescues' belongs to a man who falls in love with her.

At the end of the movie she realizes she is in love with Nick, but doesn't want the love if he doesn't really love her. Then she says a line that hit home fore me:

"If I have taken away his will, it is not really love."

A big discussion that I have had a lot lately is why God gives us a choice when he knows that a lot of us will not choose to love him. It is like what Beth says in the movie. If our will is not there, it is not real love. How would I feel when I have been married for 25 years and on my anniversary my Husband knocks on the door with a dozen roses and box of candy and says that he got them for me because he had to. Or if I open the door and he says,"I love you so much that I wanted to show you by getting you these". The latter would receive a hug and kiss while the former would probably receive a slammed door in the face.

I think that this is how God feels. He doesn't want us coming to him and worshiping him because we have to, but because we want to. By giving us a choice, our love becomes more meaningful and valuable.

Thank you God for giving us a choice. It makes me realize not only how much my love for You, but how great Your love is for us that you sent Jesus to die for us knowing that most of the world would not choose You. I love you.

AMEN

Thinking About Easter part 2

So it has now been two weeks since easter and a lot has happened, and I have been doing a lot of studying and reading since that day and there is one thing that I still can't wrap my mind around, "Why would Jesus, while in the garden begging for the cup to be taken from him and stainning so hard that he was sweating blood, pray for me?"

Usually, when I am going through struggles I pray, but not for anyone else.  I am usually praying for God to take the cup from me, and then give him a list of compromises that i will 'try' and uphold so that I can get out with as little pain as possible.  Then I read the gospel acount of Jesus' prayer in the Garden before the soldiers arrested him.  He prayed for his disciples, he prayed for those who would betray him, and the he prayed for the future believers.  I was dumb struck.  Jesus, when he could have called down legions of angels to save himself, was thinking about you and me and desided that we were worth the agony that He was about to endure.  It is a humbling experience.

I want to try and think of others more than myself.  I want to try and help others no matter what struggles I am going through myself.  I want to consider others worth everything to save them.

this is a pic to Joe Matthews when we bought WalMart out of easter eggs for rez week.

Wisdom from a Good Friend

Today I had a free period so I decided that I would go to the Vera Lloyd and see what was goin on.  When I got there the boys were still playing basketball so I sat in the bleachers to watch.  After they were done, I had to run and take care of some errands, so I started to leave.  As I was leaving so was Jack Cross, a really good friend of mine.  He asked me how things were going:

"They're going.  Just two and a half months left," I replied.

"They sure go by fast don't they?  I don't think I can express to you the feeling that you get when you graduate college."

"You know Jack, as much as I have grown and have this core group of friends, I never saw Monticello as where I would end up.  And it is hard to say that."

"I know what you mean"

We went on to talk about where I am headed.  I really can't say for 100% sure what I will be doing next fall.  Will I be teaching?  Working with a missions organization?  Moving back to Texarkana?   Going to Africa?  I don't know, but what I do know is that I am scared.

Then Jack said, "you know we have talked over the last few years about this being a launching pad.  And that is what it will be for you"

What great words that I needed to hear at that moment.  When I think of those who have been teaching me for the past five years:

Rob

Jack

Karen

Carla

Carole

Mr. Fellows

Chad

Becca

Brooke

The more that I don't want to leave this place.  So my prayer for now is not just God show me your will and help me to follow it, but send people into my life to take the place of those mentors and friends that I am about to say goodbye to.

Thanks for the talk Jack.

The Excitement of the New

So I have this friend. I promised that I wouldn't name this friend when I told this story. So just for now, this friend will be named Egg.

Well, Egg got a new phone for Christmas. And like anyone does when they get something new, Egg started using it. And not just calling people, but texting them as well. Well when Egg's parents got their phone bill after that first month, it was the size of a phone book. Egg had sent over 5000 messages, in 28 days. That averages out to about 200 a day.

Isn't that how we all get? We get something new and we ware it out when we first get it. Like it is gold and we have to latch on to it. But then what happens? It gets old and we gradually lose that flare for it, and eventually it winds up in the box in your attic and you forget you even have it.

Isn't that how we are with our faith? When we first accept Christ into our hearts, all we can think about is telling others about our life change. We ware our faith out. We go to every conference, camp and we can't stay away from church. Our bible is the only book we read, and prayer is like breathing. And little by little we stop telling people. We might miss this conference or that camp.
We might crack our bibles open every once in a while and prayer only happens when we need it. It's like we pack our faith up and put it in our hearts attic and kinda forget that it is there.

We need to get back to the faith that we had at the beginning. We need to tell everyone and anyone that we can find about what Christ has done in our lives. We need to pray like there is no tomorrow. We need to read like there is no other book in the world. We need to unpack our faith from where we've tried to hide it, dust it off and put it back into action.

WE NEED TO BE LIKE EGG!

To Catch a Train

We've all seen that famous scene in like every old western movie. The hero, to save the damsel in distress that was just kidnaped by the bad guy, ride his galliant steed and catches the train. Just in time to jump from his horse to the cabbose.

Now, what would have changed if the hero would have waited by at the next check point and as the train sped by, just jumpped and tried to land on the Train? I don't know about what is going through your head right now, but I think that certian scene wouldn't make it to print because it would have failed.

When you are going the same speed as the train, it is easier to jump on.

Too often new believers tend to jump when they are not ready, which usually leads to a huge fall. The Holy Spirit is moving at a great speed and we just can't jump on, we have to be going the same speed before we can leap.

Lately I have been looking at the small things in my walk. I have started reading and studying a lot more. I want to be going at full speed so that when I jump, I can land on what I am suposed to and not end in tragedy.

Out of the Valley

In our walks with Christ we tend to find ourselves on mountians or in valleys (or somewhere in between). When we are on those mountians, we feel that we are as colse to God as we can get while on this side of eternity. And when we are in those valleys, we feel so far away that we might not ever get picked back up.

Now over the past couple of weeks I have been in a very deep valley. I have felt so distant from God. And no matter what I tried or how hard I climbed, I could never find myself on the upward slope of the next mountian.

This past weekend, I sought the cross and I clung to it. And now I think that I am finaly on an upward climb, and it feels great. I just hope that I don't stall out on a ledge. I want to make it to the peak of this one.Something is about to happen.

Wisdom From Hitch

So I am alone on another weekend, but hey I am used to it. So what else would I do with my alone time but watch movies.

I was watching Hitch. Will Smith plays a match maker who gets this nerdy guy and this actress together. Well in his montelogue athe the very beging of the movie, Hitch says something that we can all learn from.

"Life is not about the number of breaths we take, it's about the moments that take our breath away."

That is a great line. Let us really break that one down.

Breathing is an involuntaty action that we just do, we don't have to think to ourselves "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out". Too often, we tend to concentrate on those small things that happen to us (that we really have just as much control over as out breathing). We focus on what we should have done to avoid it, what might have been, and how to fix the whole thing. But when we focus on the small things, we miss those things that take our breath away, we miss the big things.

This weekend I was supposed to be in Dallas at the Passion Conference. So many little things came about to keep me from being there. And I have been focusing on the small things about it. "If I would have only done this" or "If I hadn't done that". I was focusing so much on the small things, I think that I have missed that moment that was meant to take my breath away. I know that there is still tomorrow, but I know now to stop focusing on the things that I can't control and to look for why I am here.

DON"T FOCUS ON THE SMALL THINGS, GO AFTER THE BIG ONES!

Its All About Perspective

So when I went to Greece, my team and I visited the Acropolis. On top of the Acropolis is the Parthenon. Well I handed my camera to Anna and asked her to take my picture. From where I was and the angle of the camera, the parthenon looks so big.

Well Zeb then asked me to take his picture. From where he was standing and the angle of the camera, the parthenon look small (almost like he is about to push it over).

It is all about perspective!

When we start to look at our spiritual leaders, we tend to think that their faith is so big. That they have the closest relationship with God, and that their prayer life is incredible. But maybe it isn't that theirs is as big as we think, but maybe it is that ours is so small. When we start comparing ourselves to others, we always tend to find something that we aren't doing as well.
I want my faith to withstand comparison. I don't want to be small spiritually.

We Need to Get Our Passion Back

Passion- any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling

Man can we get passionate at football games. When our team scores a touchdown, we scream and holler. When the refs call bad calls on our team, we usually start yelling at them because they didn’t see what we saw. When our tam gets behind, it takes all that we have to not get down on the field to play ourselves. And I can’t even begin to explain that felling that you get when your team wins the game that they weren’t supposed to win. All this for a football game, that, in three years, will have no significance.

Why aren’t we this passionate about the works of God. Why do we stay silent when someone makes a life change? Why, when the spirit moves us, can we not lift our hands and shout for what God is doing in our life? How can we just sit back and watch and not want to join in?

We need to reevaluate what our passions are. We need to get out of the “I have to” mind set and get in to the “I get to” mind set. In a schedule centered society we need to break the mold and start to do things that we want to do. Because it means so much more to someone when you get to give them a gift than when you have to give them a gift.

GET PASSIONATE!!!

Sold Out For Real?

The last time I was on a high dive, I was scared out of my mind. I was in Scropenaria, Greece and I was on a plank 14 feet above the Agean Sea. The water was so clear you could see all the way to the bottom. With my knees buckling I had a descision to make,

Was I complety sold on the Idea of jumping, because once I jumpped, I was going in.

I am ready to see a change on this campus. I am ready to see a banner fly high:

"ONE Race, ONE King, ONE Kingdom"

In order for this to work, everyone has to be completely sold out for the idea. Just saying it and not doing anything about it won't change anything. But more that doing something, we have to change ourselves and be willing for the plunge.

The thing is we can not jump and then expect not to land. Once we take off, its final (and there is no going back). To unify this campus we all have to be willing to change and we all have to be completely sold out to jump. And the reward is so worth the fall.

After finaly jumping off that plank and landing in the water I was so refreshed. The water was nice and cool after a long day of work. I was sold out for what I was going to recieve from it.

I am sold out for this campus. The question is:

WHO WILL JOIN ME IN THIS JUMP?

A Hard Fight

On this road of life, why aren't there ever any road sighs that say:

"Danger: Road out ahead" or

"Do not Enter" or

"Dead End"

This has been the hardest week that I have had since getting back from Greece and I am so glad that it is over, but I can already tell that this coming week is going to be just as hard if not harder. I wish there was a way that time could stop and I could just get a break. Time to just stop and really think about what is going on.

"We need to fight for joy"

I hear these words from Rob almost every day. I want to do this very thing, fight for joy. But joy is so hard to come by right now. I am fighting for joy, but it isn't getting here. I am stuck in this state of just getting through every day and I am a wreck inside. Why does the fight have to be so hard. And right now I am fighting what seems to be a losing battle. The thing is, I really don't know how to change the tide. Satan is attacking and I can't keep this fight up too much longer.

Preparing for Rain

I bet a lot of you (if not all of you) have seen the movie Facing the Giants. Well I loved the movie. And even though there are a lot of great quotes to choose from here is my favorite:

"If you're gonna pray for rain, you have to prepare the field"

So I am going to prpare my field for the rain that I know that God has in store, and this is how I am going to do it. Over the last month I have been raising money for my mission trip to Greece. To date, I have a little over $1000. Which means I am about $2000 short. But after talking to Rob yesterday and praying about it, I have come up with this: If 200 people are willing to donate $10, I will have $2000 in no time. I am preparing for a rain that I know God will send.

If you are willing to be one of the 200, contact me at hawkspg@aol.com or leave me a comment on here and I will get in touch with you on how to go about making your donation.

I have prayed for rain and prepared my field, now the rest is up to God.

PS- If you have any questions you can call me at (870) 723-7707

Harmony...

Harmony [hahr-muh-nee]- 1. agreement, accord 2. a constant, orderly, or pleasing arangement of parts.

When you look at the word harmony what is the first thing that comes to your mind? To me it is music. So when Peter says "live together in harmony" I really didn't know how to relate what I know about harmony in music to harmony in life, until this morning.

In music there is no such thing as a bad note, there are only good note that are played at the wrong time. When right notes are played at the right time, it creates what we call harmony. Harmonies make a piece of music sound amazing. But one thing about harmony is that sometimes, not all the intruments are playing to create these harmonies. Sometimes it is the instrument that usually sit in the background that gets to stand out for one shining moment and take the lead. Sometime, all the instruments are playing and that just makes the harmony that much more.

In some music, there is what we call disonence. Disonence is when you tak a normal chord and you raise or drop one of the pitched of that chord to create a not so pleasant sound. Sometimes disonence is on purpose, and the main reason for disonence is to make the harmony after to sound that much better, and relieving.

Why the lesson you might ask? Well christianity is almost the same way. We are to life in harmony with one another. Sometimes this calls those who normaly take the lead, to stand back and let a background player come to the fore front every once in a while. Sometimes, the normal leaders are to take the lead with what they are given. Sometimes harmony calls us all to be silent. Disonence (disagreements) will happen, but it makes the resolution that much better.

We need to "live together in harmony."

Making a Game out of Worship

When I go to baseball games I go crazy. I have my favorite players, my favorite teams, and I act like I have something to do with the outcome (no matter if it is a win or a loss). The bast games are those one in a million where you get to see one of your favorite players (or any player for that matter) break a record or reach a career milestone. You join in the player's emotions of happyness and completion, and you feel (as a fan) that you played a major role in theie success.

How is it that we can get so serious about a game and can't get serious about worship? I can't remember all the times that I went into a worship time half heartedly, and I hate saying that (but I'm coming clean). I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to worship God with everything that I have and with all that I am. I hate the feeling that I get when I know that I could have done better. It is time to stop playing around with worship and take it seriously for a change.

The picture above is of Rafiel Palmeiro getting his 3000 hit at Safeco Field. I was there and it was awesome.

What I've Learned in My 21 Years

I am now officially 21 and I have got to say, I never thought I would make it this far. If anyone would have told me that I would be sitting in my dorm room posting on your blog on your 21st birthday, I would have told them:

"What's a blog?"

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot this week about what i have learned over the past 21 years and I have come up with a list:

1. Be Happy! Nothing is worth getting worked up over.

2. God only gave us one mouth, but he gave us two ears.

3. When someone says duck, they usually aren't talking about the thing with feathers.

4. The only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the little extra.

5. Sleep is a gift, do it as often as possible.

6. "No" is not a bad word, use it when needed.

7. There is no reason to worry, your parents do it enough for you.

8. If you can't stand the heat, stay off the field.

9. That there is a $550 fine for not having proof of insurance when you get pulled over in the state of Washington.

10. Your real friends stick with you when you are at your worst (and it is not always a pretty picture.

11. No matter what happens, God is always with me.

12. If you fall asleep chewing gum, you better be ready for a hair cut.

13. Orange fights are the best way to get loose before a game.

14. Water boils at 212, don't stand at 211.

21 years of life, and I am still learning. I am blessed to have had people come into my life to teach me how to live. So thanks to all who have contributed to my life lessons. And I promise that there are many many more, I just couldn't write them all down.

I'M 21 TODAY!!!

Don't Want to be Just Hot Water

Let's see how good your memory is from seventh grade science class. Your question is:

At what temperature does water boil?

If you said at 212 degrees, you would be correct. Now:

What happens to water at 211 degrees?

Absolutely nothing. At 211 degrees, water is just hot. It is absolutely useless. But when it gets boiling, water is a very useful tool.

Why do you ask am I giving you a science lesson? Because most of us are just hot water when it comes to spirituallity. We are doing just enough to get hot, instead of giving our all and boiling over, to be a great tool for Gods work. Our society today is in a habit of doing just enough to get by (grades, work, dieting), and getting the mediocre rewards from that. But if we were willing to do one degree more, how much more rewarding would it be.

So I am ready to give that one degree, because I don't want to be just hot water.

When God Calls...Respond (what I learned in Waco, TX)

So, God really taught us a lot last weekend and I want to share with ya'll (my faithful readers) what he taught us.

When we heard about this missions conference, we thought that we knew exactaly what we were going to get. Little did we know what we were getting into. As soon as we walked in the doors, there was this air about it that just didn't feel right. But we went ahead and gave it the benefit of the doubt. After the first session Friday night, the second Saturday morning and then the breakout that afternon, we had enough. We just knew that the conference wasn't where we needed to be.

Break 1: Let me take a break here in my story to explain to you something. This killed me. I was one of the ones pushing to go to the conference and when it turned out to be what it was, I thought that I had let everyone down. I thought that I had brought the group to Waco for nothing.

Then it happened. Rob asked me to see if I could find a church that had a Saturday night service. So like any good college student, I googled it. Highland Baptist church came up in the search (the only church in Waco with a Saturday night service). Their service started at six, so we loaded up and went. As soon as we walked in the doors, we knew that HBC was exactally where we needed to be. They welcomed us like we had been there for years. Doug (the assistant college minister) brought the message. The title of his sermon, Call and Response. God calls (he initiates it) and we respond. He said that God sometimes calls us places sometimes to get us where he really wants us to be.

Break 2: Wow, this is exactally what I needed to hear. Our trip to Waco started out at the conference (how God got us there) and ended at Highlad Baptist Church (where God really wanted to takes us).

So at the end of the service the pastor got up and said that he didn't know who we were, but he wondered if he could pray for us. So we went up to the front and Rob told them our story. It turns out that their church had been debating wheather or not to keep the Saturday night service going. So not only did they bless us, but God used us to answer some of their questions.

All of this happened because God called, and we were willing to respond.

Just Been Thinking

I have been thinking a lot lately (yeah, I know a HUGE shock). Some of the stuff going on in my mind right now are a bunch of ramblings, but some of it is really deep stuff so I guess I am asking for help, advice, really anything.

Along with everything that has been going on lately, I have really been questioning why I believe what I believe and do I really know what I believe? My whole life I have been taught who God is. I have been taught that he sent Jesus to die for me, and that if I asked for him, he would change ny life. But the question that I have been fighting is "Is that deep enough?" I know that I believe in God. I know that he sent Jesus to die for me and that I have recieved him in my heart. But does my faith rely on those that have taught me and if they were to fall, would that make me fall?

That is my fear, but that is what I have been spending the last few days contemplating. I have delved into the word and have searched my heart to find exactaly where I stand. So I ask for prayer, wisdom and suport in this time of soul searching.

A Person I Admire

Robert Leonard is my Campus minister. These last couple of years, I have learned a lot about him and have learned a lot from him. He is a very Godly man, and he truly loves serving his creator with all he is.

Sunday morning during Sunday school, Rob taught from 1 Peter 1:13. Peter says to get ready and to keep your mind on heavenly things. Rob went on to talk about how we should never attach aorselves to anything here. We should not think of our stuff as anything that we would die if it was lost.

Little did he know, that at that very moment (or shortly there after) someone was in his house taking his stuff. Rob's house was broken into while we were at church. He lost a lot of his stuff, but they didn't take the thing that he treasured most, his faith in God to get him through.

Rob came to church Sunday night, just as normal as ever. He talked to us about what had happened and how he felt about it. His composure about he situation just reaffirms everything that he had talked about that morning. This whole situation makes me respect and admire him more. Love ya Rob!

I Want to be a Full Moon

"What is the major difference between the Sun and the Moon?," Rob had asked.

I had crashed the fresman bible study over at his house and this question really hit me hard.

"The Sun is a source of light and the moon reflects light," came my answer.

"And when does the moon reflect the most light?" Rob came back.

"When the Earth is out of the way." I answered back.

Doesn't that statement just take your breath away? I hit me right between the eyes, and i am the one that said it. We are to reflect the light of Jesus to others. When do we reflect the best? When the world is out of the way. The moon never stops reflecting the light of the Sun, it just gets blocked by the Earth every once in a while. When Jesus comes into our hearts, we become reflectors of His light. The question then becomes, are you reflecting well?

I might not be where I need to be in that area yet. Too many times I find myself getting blocked by the world, by my nature. My reflector tends to get smudged. But I know what I want to be:

I want to be a full moon.